A deceptively simple question, with a simple answer. And of course, with potential depths so unfathomable as to be rooted in the core considerations that drive every significant question of existence. Historically, entire civilizations have lived and died in pursuit of a sense of identity. It may not seem as relevant in an age of cynicism and agency, but it still happens today. And it starts…
… with Me.
Or some other guy. Probably the other guy, actually, but the fundamental message is the same. We judge ourselves and others based on criteria that gives the judgment meaning. We adhere to ideals and conscriptions of moral codes out of a need for functionality. Does this devalue our beliefs in any way? Of course not. A capacity for judgement – regardless of the application – may very well be the only tool we truly possess to provide an answer to that deceptively simple question.
I am. I live, and love, and believe. I define myself through a cavalcade of complex ideas with simple keywords… father, husband, writer, gamer, artist, musician, performer, philosopher… The list goes on.
By the way… if you don’t like ellipses, this really isn’t the blog for you. Just sayin’.
I am here to collect my thoughts. My goal is to reflect on the day as it comes to a close – often in wee hours of the morning – in prose, stream of consciousness, actualization, or whatever seems appropriate. Typically, I’ll try to keep it short. If you would like to comment… please do.
After all… we’re in this together.
So is the question “Who am I”, or should it be “who is it that those around me perceive that I am?” Do we take into consideration what others believe about the kind of person that we are in the evaluation process? I believe that many do worry about what their peers and relatives think about them.
I don’t spend much time worrying about it, I am who I am, warts and all. Ultimately it comes down to whatever we can live with…
It is not uncommon for people to establish a sense of identity via the perspective of their fellows; it may even be unavoidable in all but the rarest of circumstances. Reputation, reputability, respect, the consideration of our peers and those whom we respect in turn… these are facets of life that certain reflect upon how we identify ourselves. In my experience, people who emphasize that they care nothing for the opinions of others are identifying themselves by that very practice, and holding that descriptor up for the examination of others that they might wash away any preconceived notion that their self-image is in any way affected by someone else’s opinion. For some, this is probably just a defense mechanism… for others, undoubtedly, it is precisely a decision they have made about themselves, and I do no harm in respecting that decision.
Nevertheless, it isn’t really the perspectives of others that affect our sense of identity, but our assumptions regarding those perspectives. Many social rebels, for example, hold themselves apart with the assumption that others are judging them, and will often behave in a manner that veritably begs to be judged in some manner. My default position with people has been not to judge… I assume the best of people, even to my detriment upon occasion, and I’m fine with that because it permits me to self-identify in a way that makes me happy. I’m not a fool; I just don’t make decisions about who people are based on the limited information I have in any given encounter. But the interesting question is… am I doing them a disservice? If I don’t conform to the expectation that allows them to contrast themselves against some sort of norm, am I compromising their evolutionary right to build their identity from the sense of community that pervades our species?
Who are we in a vacuum, then?
I could say I care nothing for the way others choose to perceive me, but that would be inaccurate. I distinctly limit their power to identify me by establishing a set of parameters that don’t require their perspective, but I still long for respect, admiration, love, mutual interest, and a sense of community, as evidenced by my administration of an active gaming community, website, podcast, local events, and so forth… not to mention my egomaniacal tradition of GMing.